A tribute........

Nam h ye aankhein aur rooh kaanp uthti h, jb masoom se jaano par ho rhi darendigi ki baatein samne aati h.........
Sochta hu kai baar main ye k kyu khtm hote ja rhe h hm me jazbaat, aur kyu khilauna ki trh khel kar wo fek di jati h..........
Hote h aandolan, diye jate h dharne, jalayi jati h mombattiya par nhi dhora paye koi aisa phr kya kbhi koi aisi saza di jati h..........
Do din k shor gul k baad koi naya mudda sheher me aa jata h par la sake un andheri zndgiyo me roshni phr kya ye koshish kbhi kri jati h..........
Haivaniyat k iss yug me ye baat mje bht satati h k kya ye wahi desh h jha amba, seeta, lakshmi, saraswati aur shakti k naam se naari pooji jati h.......
Kya aazadi yhi kahi jati h aur bhagat singh, azaad aur bapu ki kahaniya kyu bs filmo tk seemit rh jati h.........
Sawalo ki fehrist ktm nhi hoti aur jawab dhundne me hm sbke muh pr chuppi chha jati h..........
Dard hota h bahut iss dil me yaar, jb hmare 'swarnim bharat' me jb koi aisi anhoni hoti h.......
Aur mri asrudhara roke nhi rukti h......
Roke nhi rukti h.........:(

Shayri IV(The Search for Final Destination)

1) Bht se ehsaan h tre hmpe,
Bs itna sa karam aur kr dena,
Bdi aasani se mita chuki h tu hme apne zehan se,
hum kaise bhulaye tjhe bas iski khabar kar dena.......

K tri aankhein aaj bhi bin kuch kahe h sab kuch keh jati,
Aur teri ek muskurahat h mre har gam ko fanaa kar jati,
Shyd mri mohbt ko b gadna hoga itihas me khi,
Wrna ye yuhi adhoori nhi reh jati................:)

2)Aate h kuchh log iss zndgi me jo hote h paani ki tarah,
Kuch waqt me hi jo paa jate h iss dil me ek khas jagah,
Duur na ja paye kbhi iss lye mutthi me qaid kr lene ka mann krta h,
Kmbhqt kyu bhul jata hu main pani to apne nikalne ka raasta phr bhi dhund leta h,
Janta hu kuch nhi reh gaya h ab geeli hatheliyo ko chhodkar,
Na jane phr b kyu ye dil hatheli kholne ko kyu mana krta h...........:)

 3)Tod di thi jo kalam aj use phr jodne ka mann krta h,

Sukh chuki inn palko ko aj phr bheegne ka mann krta h,

Nahi khabar hoti kya  h mohbbat ,

Phr b usk bas ek deedar k lye aj fanaa hone ka mann krta h……….:)

 4)Chhod gye the jo mjhdhar mein  hme ,

Aj whi  shaqs hmri chaukhat pr aaya h,

Bamushkil sawara h tufano se jis kashti ko,

Lgta h aj wo use phr dubone aaya h…….....:)

5)Lamho k darmayan bandhi h ye zndagi,
Kabhi khushi to kabhi khushiyo ka daaman deti h ye zndagi,
Chhupakar raaz gehre chle ja rhe h gumnaam raaho par,
Na jane kya chahti h hmse ye zindagi.......:)

6)Ho jata h deedar tera har raat ko khwabon mein iss lye znda h hum,
Bhula kar uss khuda ko karte h tri ibadat iss lye znda h hm,
Ye nam palkein gawah h hmri mohbt ki iss lye znda h hm,
Chhod kar ashqo ka gulistan, tham chuki h khushiyo ka daman iss lye znda h hm.....:)

7)Ho jayegi tjhe bhi mjhse mhbt ye baat rkhna,
Ho jayegi meri nadaaniyon ki aadat ye baat rkhna,
Ro ro kar jab tanhayio me yaad kregi tu hmko,
Hai aisa b koi jo tri ek muskurahat par fanna aj b koi ye baat yaad rkhna.......:)

8)Yuhi deewano ki tarah usse mohbt kiye ja rhe,
Khuda ko chhod uski ibadat kiye ja rhe h,
Gam ka ek katra bhi na chhu paye uski zndagi ko,
Bs iss lye saaya ban uske sth chle ja rhe h...........:)

9)Ho chuki h wo kisi aur ki, par ho jaye wo meri ye khwaish aj b baki h,
Thak chuka hu ab rote rote, uski zulfon k saayein mein sone ki khwaish aj b baki h,
Kya hua gar smjhti h wo mere junoon-e-chahat ko bas ek numaish,
Uski mohabt me mar k jeene ki meri khwaish aj b baki h...............:)

10)Yuhi har khushi ne har dum daaman chhoda h mera,
Tanhahiyon ne hi har mod par sath diya h mera,
Yu to ek arse se khwaish h sab kuchh chhod jaane ki,
Par bas ek naadan si muskan ne raasta rok rkha h mra.........:)

11)Arsa ho gya phr b bheeg jati h ye palke jb b teri yaad aati h,
Fakr h hme apne junoon-e-mohbt pr jisme phr b koi kami nahi aati h,
Har saans me aj b basi h sirf mahak teri,
Aur na jane kyu aj b har dhadkan me bs tre hone ki aahat aati h.......:) 


12) Har ibadat aur dua me maanga h jisko khuda se,
Kal mehndi uske hath me hogi, aur wo kisi aur k sath hogi,
Kaanp uthti ye rooh jab sochta hu ye,
Bas kuchh aur waqt phr kisi gair ki bahon me meri poori kainat hogi.........:)

 
 

Today & Yesterday...........

Her smyl, it still drivez me crazy,
The only diff. b/w today & yesterday is....
Now its jst her picture,
My nightz, dey still r sleepless,
The only diff. b/w today & yesterday is....
Now d hope of cuddlin in her armz n sleepn is over,
Me, m still d same 'crazy 4 her' person,
But the only diff. b/w today & yesterday is....
Now a part of mine iz lost........ forever........

Socha Na Tha

Ho jayegi usse yu mohabbat ye to kbhi socha na tha,
Usk har nakhre ki ho jayegi mjhe aadat ye to kbhi socha na tha,
Iss kadar chadega junoon uski chahat ka,
K ishq me naseeb hogi hme shahdat ye to kbhi socha na tha........
Bin kuch btaye yuhi chli jayegi wo zindagi se meri ye to kbhi socha na tha,
Na ayegi palat k wo ye to kbhi socha na tha,
Bina kisi khata k,
Milegi maut se battar saza ye to kbhi socha na tha..........
Phr b ayegi yun mjhe yaad wo ye to kbhi socha na tha,
Bheeg jayengi palke uss bewafa k lye ye to kbhi socha na tha,
Dkh k hmko kisi mehfil me,
Nikal jayegi kisi gair k baho ka haar ban k ye to kbhi socha na tha...........
Kri thi jisse khud se jyada mohbt,
Krne lga tha jski main ibadat,
Yun hi bhula degi mere wajood ko ye to kbhi socha na tha.........

Shayri-III(Unknown Gone!!!!!!!)

1)Wo mri dosti thi ya mohbt mra dil aj tk smjh na paya,
Jisk karan maine raton ki neend aur din ka chain gawaya,
Usi se maine 'insane' hone ka khitab paya,
Khud k saaye ko hi duur kr diya jiske waaste,
Aaj whi humdum saath nhi h mere,
Kha tha usne rhenge sath hum hmesha,
Aur usi ne apna kaha nhi nibhaya,
Kehkar ye mjhpe hasta h mera hi saaya.....
Dkh apni wafao ka tune ye kaisa sila paaya,
Banane chla tha kisi gair ko apna, 
Dhikkar h tjhpe tu to kud ko hi 'apna' nhi bna paaya:(

2)Roz maangta hu ibadat me ye k ek baar to uska ka deedar ho jaye,
Jane se phle ek baar to iss tadapti rooh ko jannat naseeb ho jaye,
Kha tha kisi ne maut wafa nibhati h sb se, bs usi k intezar me hu,
Dar h to bas issi baat ka, dkh kr pta mra khi wo bhi bewafaa na ho jaye:(

3)Na jane kyu nam h palke aur dil udaas kyu h,
Na jane kyu aankhon ko aj b usse milne ki pyas kyu h,
Na jane kyu chli gyi wo yuhi mjhe chhodke,
Aa ke lipat jayegi mjse jis din hua ilm use meri mohbt ka,
Na jane kyu ab b iss dil ko ye aas kyu h:(

4)Uski yadon ko dil me le kar chl rhe h iss lye znda h hm,
Bhula k sbko bs uski ibadat kr rhe h iss liye znda h hm,
Bht duur h mjhse wo aj,
Phr b usse millne ki aas le kar chl rhe h iss lye znda h hm,
Palkon me ek sailab samete chl rhe h iss lye znda h hm,
Sb kuch hone k bad b krte h usse beinteha mohbt iss lye znda h hm,
Sach h ye k apne dil me uski chahat ki betabi le kar chl rhe h iss lye znda h hm........

5)Itna hi aasan hota gar use bhula dena,
to aankh me kchre ka bhana krk na rote hum,
uski yaadon me raat bhar na jaga krte hum,
gar bhul hi gye hote use waakai me,
to yuhi hr baat pe uska nagma na cheda krte hum,
usne to kadr nhi ki kbhi hmri mhbt ki,
phr b tut k use na chahte hum,
bhul to usse hm tb jate,
jb usse kbhi mile hi na hote hum........

6)Yun khafa jab tum hmse ho jaya karti thi,
Hmri neend bhi hmse rooth jaya karti thi,
Aur jb hote the hum tmse khafa,
Jaaga karte the iss umeed me k shyd ik baar to tum hme manaogi,
Pr tum to chayne ki neend soya krti thi,
Na jane kyu in silsilo me kar bthe hm tmse mhbt,
aur anjaane me hi krne lge tmhri ibadat,
Khabar h to bs iss baat ki k teri khatir,
iss dil ne khud k lye dhadkana chhod diya,
khuda ki khudai manna chhod diya,
Iss kadar chad chuka h tmhre Ishq ka junoon hm par,
K neend ne b hmri chaukhat pe dastak dena chhod diya.........

7)Ki zndagi se bas itni si khwaish reh gyi thi meri,
K ho jata main uska aur wo meri,
Lkin zndagi b ajeeb h,
Jo h chaha wo hamesha kha h milta,
Gar na hota aisa to kal talak na tha kalam thamne ka b saleeka jisko,
Kisi ki mohbt me wo aj shayar na banta.......

8) Na jane kaise uski aadat jarurat bn gai pta hi na chla 
Na jane kb uss jarurat se kr btha mohbt pta hi na chla,
Socha to tha duniya ki har khushi bichha dunga usk kadmo me,
Na jane kb fanaa ho gyi uski chahat pta hi na chla.......


 

D Missed Call!!!!

Missed call???

From an unknown no.???  And that too at 8:00 A.M.??

From past few days I was thinking to write something. But, was not getting on which topic. Yesterday, a concept came to my mind and I started writing on it. But life…..hell it is a lot complicated and unexpected, sometimes it gives you a topic itself. And the same happened with me this morning, the morning of 08/09/2012 is the one I cannot forget in my life now. Continuing with the missed call……….  

Well that’s early for me!!!!!!If its some of ma friend playing a prank again, am gonna kill him for disturbing the sleep which seldom comes to me, although you can find me sleeping anytime, anywhere. Well, am not here for discussing my sleeping habits. Getting back to the ‘missed call’, I glanced the no. for  quite a time with my sleepy eyes unable to recognize it, I slept again waiting for the call again to ring on my phone.

I ‘woke’ up at 9:30 and of course it was in the morning. Acc. To my capacity it could have been p.m. no doubt about it but yes my ‘maiyya’ would have killed me. But its been nearly 2 hrs. no trace of the caller yet. Perhaps somebody might have dialed ma no. by mistake, when realized its wrong might have disconnected. I hope it would have been so simple, and I would have been not feeling what I am feeling right now, and perhaps would not have been writing this.

So, I kept the phone aside hoping that maybe it was a wrong no. or any of those foolish friends of mine are playing a prank on me, let them do it again this time I am going to teach them a lesson so that they will not even dare to think of disturbing me so early in the morning. But u know curiosity……..Till today I had only heard ‘curiosity is the mother of all inventions’ but experienced it today because curiosity is the mother of me writing this today. By this time the thought process had started who could it be. And naturally every guy would think that it should be a girl. But who could it be, of course not somebody am not knowing. Can it be ‘JQ’ or ‘D Unknown’, well might be possible that after a year ‘JQ’ might have realized that she misunderstood me, but how is this possible when we met last time in an open campus she acted as if we are completely strangers, so ‘JQ’ ruled out. Talking about ‘D Unknown’ well in past 15 days after I was out from hospital she didn’t care to call me once or even text me once how I was???So this also ruled out and frankly I had wanted that the number should have been of anyone from these two. Inspite of ruling out all the possibilities, I was just praying a miracle to happen. But it was not a movie, or if they happen in real lives too not in my life atleast. For those who are thinking who are these two ‘ladies’, they are just not to b thought about and yes there were a couple of miracles in my life but not to be discussed here.

After fiddling with my phone in a dilemma whether to call or not.  I decided to take a chance. With a bit of excitement & suspense I called the number and with each ring it quadrupled. Atlast there came a voice, a voice of an elderly woman, never heard before. All the excitement died. But when the other lady introduced herself to me, I FROZE……, DON’T KNOW HOW MANY HEART BEATS WERE MISSED…….& I  HAD GOOSEBUMPS. Was this real or my imagination, and whatever it was why after such a long time. I was blank, I didn’t know how to react. So the first wordz that came out of my mouth were R U REALLY……. & yes,  It was ‘her’ mom. It has been more than two years now she is not with us & yet an unsaid as well as hidden part of everyone’s life whomsoever she had touched. She was an inevitable part of our livez, yet we never in d next two years of our college life had discussed about her. To me, she was like an encryption very much a part of the stone on which it was written but covered by the sands of time. And today, the sands were removed. The truth which is still unable to accept atleast for me was standing before me making me realize that life is really very much unexpected.

The same feeling which I had gone through on that day of June,2010. We were returning from college and were in quite jolly a good mood. Enjoying and shouting in our bus which was quite like an everyday schedule. When a friend of mine came to us, and she told us that now ‘she’ was not with us. Yes, she was absent that day, but that doesn’t mean that anyone could make a fool out of me, I thought. So, at first, the statement was discarded outrightly. But the expression on murgi’s face, the girl who announced the news, said something else. Noway, this can’t be true, this is impossible but the look was still ominous which made me all the more worried. With trembling hands, I took out my mobile and was frantically dialing some numbers, but every number I dialed either came busy or out of coverage area or there was no reply. Tension was building up in the air, so we decided to drop by her hostel. We took a drop at a place which was nearest to her hostel. From there it was 10-15 mins. Walk. With each step taken forward, I prayed that nothing should have happened to her. I thought only one thing that perhaps she’ll meet us in the hostel perfectly alright and then we will come to know that it was a prank played by a friend of ours.

For what happened next you first need to know who ‘she’ was i.e. why am writing this. Well dating back to September 2008, last week of the month. Well from past immemorial my rapport with gals have not been good whether take it my first crush or ma cousin sister(6 months younger to me) or take it my real sister (8 years younger!!!!) . Ofcourse talked occasionally but when I needed some notes or like these things. You may think “HOW MEAN” I WAS….But yes, that was the truth. Well the experience is that you are excited too and at the same time worried that what is going to come. And then one fine day we were introduced. I, throughout my life had been a backbencher, so the legacy had to follow in the college also. We, (Me and Sid, bitter rivals cum good friends till XII, the rival part being removed in the college) used to sit on the second last bench and she along with her friend sat at the last. So, as the time passed we became good friends. The funniest moment with her was when in our first college fest, she along with her two friends did make up on Sid. It was really hilarious. The only regret which I hold about the incident was none of us had a mobile with a camera, would have loved to click his picture then and upload it on orkut. Well fb had entered the arena but no one was that much into fb, Orkut was our whole sole entertainer. Anyways, missed the moment, still regret it. Then our group of 6 7 people used to bunk together, do lunches together and used to do a loads of fun. Also we never had a fight, which was pretty strange when it comes to me coz when it comes to girls I should have atleast a fight, well as I said earlier always there is ego clash. Anyways, shared a very good friendship together. But after first year it showed a decline, the main reason was by the end of first semester my group was changed coz had a fight with a member of my previous group, well the reason still unknown. So, got pretty much busy with the new group and was not aware what was going on ‘her’ life.

Was that d biggest blunder that I could have committed? Still no answers. And her grades fell in the third semester. And she was a good student so it was pretty shocking for me too. Well our conversations were then just confined to hello, hi. And days rolled smoothly with no such big event taking place. Then came ‘that’ day which I wish would never have come or if got a chance could change it.

Coming back to the call, aunty started crying while talking to me. And never in my life I had felt so helpless. A mother was crying for the demise of her daughter after 2 years, and why not she is going to miss her lifetime, and yet I could not do anything. What could I possibly have done, console….hell no how could I have consoled her when even ‘her’ mention disturbs me. Well after talking for 5-10 mins. And asking how uncle & ‘her’ younger sister were, the conversation ended. The incident had disturbed the whole family and they are still in shock. The motive of the call was that if I could provide ‘her’ mom with the slightest evidence of what was the reason behind her demise, but I failed in doing that too, more helplessness surrounded me.

Talking about ‘that’ day further, with each step I was praying to God that a miracle should happen & it all ends up in a joke. But, as I said my life hates miracle. And the information was correct, she was not with us anymore. I had lost one of ma sweetest friends. There were many questions in my mind. The biggest one was Y??? But there were no answers. For months, I was not able to accept that anything like this could have happened. Had she told any of us once if there was any problem , none of us would had let it happen.

Today also a part of me still refuses to accept that ‘she’ is not with us today, hoping might be someday her text would come on my mobile. Surrounded by d loneliness of this night when those memories come to my mind, it makes me feel all the more lonely. But I just hope wherever she is today, she might be happy. And yes, she is an integral part of my life & will always remain so. And I really miss that perhaps one of the sweetest persons in the world, who would have never even dreamt of someone’s bad, today is not amongst us. And wherever ‘she’ is, whether listening or not what I want to say, I would like to end up with the quote

“DEAR FRIEND I MISS U & U WOULD HOLD A PLACE IN MA HEART AS LONG AS AM ALIVE”

Yun Hota to Kaisa Hota

Gar ho jate wo mere, to sama bada hi haseen hota,
Smjh jate inn dil k jazbaton ko jo, aj ye jahan uske kadmo me jhuka hota,
Mohabt ka fasana bayan ni kiya jata lafzo me, ye afsana to nigaho se h smjha jata,
Yun hota to kaisa hota smjh jati jo mjhko to aj ye jahan mra hota......

Uske chhune se zakhm yuhi bhar jate,
Ek muskurahat se gam b  khi kho jate,
Wo mri aur hum uske hote,
Yun hota to kaisa hota mil jati wo mjhko to aur koi sapna adhura na rha  hota.....

Deti wo jo sath mera, uski khushi ki lye iss duniya se lad jata,
Bhegne na deta palko ko kbhi , haste haste uski ek muskurahat k lye suli par b chad jata,
Par ho na saka kbhi aisa, smjh na saki wo iss khamoshi ki zubaan,
Chahta to hu usko bepanah, phr b duuri h hmare darmayan,
Sach h ye mar nhi jaunga uske bina,
Magar sirf saans lene ko jeena to nhi keh sakte,
Yun hota to kaisa hota gar ho jati wo mri,
to phr khuda se ibadat me aur kch na manga hota...............

BACHPAN KI YAADEIN

Bachpan ki yaadon k panno ko humne aj phr palat kar dkha,
Unke saye me maine apna bachpan aj phr se jee kar dkha,
Samjh se pare h kaise the wo din,
na thi kbhi kal ki fikar aur na hi tha apno ko khone ka darr,
jo than liya wo karke rhte the,
jo hoga so hoga anjam se na darte the,
bachpan k wo haseen din bde hi suhane the,
Pta na tha sach jhuth ka mtlb pr koi kam na krne k hazaro bahane the,
Baithe baithe kisi film ki reel ki tarh maine ye apni aankhon k samne se guzrte hue dkha,
Yadon k panno ko palat kar maine apna bachpan aj phr jee kar dkha……….

Wo phla din schul ka jb ro ro kar maine apni ankhein sujayi thi,
Aur phr phli bnch pr hi baith kar mast wali ninni ayi thi,
Wo kilkariyan jab naye dosto k sath mastiyan udai thi,
Aur wo bhegna palko ka jab hoti ladai thi,
Iss beete huye kal ko maine apne aj se jod kar dkha,
Yadon k panno ko palat kar maine apna bachpan aj phr jee kar dkha……….

Aj b hoti h mastiyan par wo kilkariyan khi kho gyi h,
Aj b hoti h ankhein nam par wo masumiyat khi kho gyi h,
Aj kch naya karne se phle na jane ktno se puchha jata h,
Aur usk bad b na kar pane ka darr dil me satata h,
Chhod kar iss darr ko peechhe apna ek alag mukam banana ka h maine sapna dkha,
Yadon k panno ko palat kar maine apna bachpan aj phr jee kar dkha……….